I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I love having hate sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
