Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
