my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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