Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
