I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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