I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
