There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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