I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
