So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
