I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
