I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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