I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
