just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
