Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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