We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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