Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
