Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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