Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
