people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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