I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
