I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
