There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
