She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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