is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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