There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
