he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
