OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
