so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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