What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
