We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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