if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
