Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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