i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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