Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
