I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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