it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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