If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
