I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
