Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
