I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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