At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
