Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
