if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
