He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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