yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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