apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
