Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
