Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
