you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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