Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
